The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgive Your Enemies

by David Chadwick

You might be thinking after reading this title, “Wait a second, David. You mean Jesus’s teaching on forgiveness applies even to my enemies?”

Yes!

Now, take a moment and read Matthew 5:43-48.

Jesus clearly taught his disciples to forgive their enemies. And he wants us to do the same! He knew that the natural instinct when people get hurt would be to retaliate with a bit more venom toward the offender.

Retaliation always calls for just a bit more intensity, which makes the offended person’s retaliation a little bit worse. And then the offender would feel even more anger. And on and on the cycle goes.

Jesus wants us to learn how to break this cycle. To nip it in the bud. To not allow our anger to escalate. But how do we do this? Forgive!

Forgiveness breaks the back of our offenders. Yes, even our enemies. You may think, “But David, I can’t do this! This one is too hard.”

I understand your pain and can actually relate as I too have had a hard time forgiving my enemies. But do you remember Romans 5 that we discussed yesterday? While we were still God’s enemies, he came and died for us. Pause again and think about that! We were God’s ENEMIES! And yet he still offered us his forgiveness and grace.

Let me state clearly here that this is not something we can do in our own strength. It’s not natural. You can’t muster up forgiveness toward an enemy without Jesus. Our natural inclination is to get even. To take revenge. To retaliate. But when we receive Jesus’s love, it’s a supernatural love. Where we can’t, Jesus can! Because of Jesus, we can love our enemies by his love that is in us and flowing through us. Jesus’s  supernatural love is what allowed him to forgive us as his enemies. And that same love can give us the ability to forgive our enemies too!

This is why the world desperately needs Jesus. His love, grace, mercy, and kindness can change even the hardest of hearts. Jesus wants to conform all of us to his image (Romans 8:29), from the inside out. That way, we can live as he lived. And love as he loved.

Yes, even when it’s our enemies. As he forgave us when we were his enemies.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Remember God’s Amazing Grace

by David Chadwick

Today, let’s walk through another good exercise that should help us understand more about forgiveness. Read Romans 5.

Whenever I read the first part of Romans 5, I am immediately struck by the insurmountable grace of God. It truly is amazing. There is nothing like it in the entire world. We have peace and access to a hope in God that we never would have otherwise experienced (Romans 5:1-2). While we were still walking in sin and bound by folly, Jesus chose to die for us (Romans 5:8).

Look at some of the words used by Paul to describe us in our pre-Christ condition in Titus 3:3. Foolish. Disobedient. Easily led astray. So unlike God in every way. Now look at how Romans 5 describes us before Christ. Ungodly. Sinners. Enemies. Rebels. Without Jesus, we are truly weak!

We were ungodly. John 8:44 says this of humanity before meeting Jesus, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires.” Our innate desires before Jesus are to quest after Satan’s ways, not God’s.

We were sinners. Do you know what the word sinner means? It means “missing the mark.” When an archer would shoot an arrow at a target and miss it completely, the onlookers would call, “Sin!” God did have an original intent for all of us, a desired bullseye he wanted all of humanity to have. But we are the ones who have completely missed the mark. Way off course!

We were enemies. Think on this one for a while. A synonym for enemies is rebels. We have led a revolt against the one who gave us everything. God gave us our lives. He gave us provision, possessions, fun, laughter, and vision for productive and fulfilling lives. But we rejected his rule. We wanted life on our own terms.

But God. While we were ungodly, sinners, rebels, and enemies of God, he STILL pursued us. He STILL left heaven to come to us and die on the cross. He pursued us in the ultimate rescue mission that has marked mankind forever!

God didn’t wait for perfection before he expressed grace. Think about this. Now think about the person who has hurt you. Can you give to others the same kind of grace that you’ve received from Jesus? That’s the essence of Romans 5.

That’s the heart of Jesus’s gospel of grace.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Go to the Person

by David Chadwick

As Christians, can we judge people? We learned yesterday that the answer is, “Yes.” However, there is a biblical way to do this. It must be done in humility and with the awareness that you, too, have sin that must be confessed.

So, how do you go to someone who has hurt you? Let’s take a look at Matthew 18:15.

A real life example may look something like this. You have been offended. Someone hurt you in a very intentional way. Start off by asking yourself if you should step over this offense. One good question is this, “If I were to share this situation with a trusted, seasoned mentor, leader or pastor, would they confirm that this situation is too big to step over?” Sometimes, we make mountains out of molehills. Our minds can inflame problems that aren’t actually that big. However, if after processing you recognize that the situation was so big, so hurtful, and so painful that it warrants a conversation, what should you do next?

First, remember you don’t want to judge someone with vitriol and anger. You may need to take some intentional time to remove the plank out of your own eye (Luke 6:31, Matthew 7:3-5). Settle your own heart and pray for humility, recognizing your own imperfections. Side note, this is a regular discipline that everyone should do. It is almost like an internal house cleansing that keeps all of us in touch with God’s grace. As you remember how you, too, have hurt people before, ask Jesus for grace anew.

Ok, now what? Jesus tells us to then go to the person who has hurt you. Not by text. Not by email. Not through a phone call. Not by a letter. Go to the person. Face to face. And have a loving sit down where you can share your heart. Ask to hear the other person’s heart as well. And have mutual understanding, forgiveness, and even reconciliation.

If the person blows you off or will not listen? Take another person. A trusted, mutual friend of you both would be best. Someone who can hear both sides and offer a path toward renewed friendship.

And if the person still blows you off and won’t meet with you and the mutual friend? Go to the elders of your church. See if greater measures of protection and discipline are necessary.

Ultimately though, regardless of how things work out, you need to let this person go. Forgive them even if you don’t feel like it. Release them to the Lord. Let God deal with them over time.

If there is wickedness in his or her life, the Lord will deal with him or her. But you will be free! Free to love, free to move on knowing you have done all that you can do. Go live your life without regret and bitterness – the way our Lord desires all of us to live.