The Madness of Unforgiveness: No More Pain

by David Chadwick

Do you know what one of the ways is that you can be set free from the madness of unforgiveness? One of the ways you know you’ve truly forgiven? You don’t feel pain when you see your offender!

After you’ve been hurt by someone, there’s a very good chance that you will still hear about them from others. You might even hear that they are doing well or prospering in one way or another. Or you might even run into them in public or at some event. It’s inevitable.

Here’s a way you’ll know you’ve forgiven that person. When you hear their name, or hear of some blessing or success they may have, or you do run into them at some occasion, your heart won’t hurt any more. When this happens, you will know that their life has no more power or control over you. And at that point, you will know that you are truly free.

This truth is at the heart of Jesus’s command to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-44). While we were still Jesus’s enemies (Romans 5:8), in rebellion against him, he still came to die for us. He didn’t wait for us to become perfect before he went to the cross on our behalf.

Forgiving those who have hurt us or forgiving our enemies is truly hard – especially when the pain is deep and profound. Maybe you had a spouse leave you. Or a boss fired you. Maybe you had a family member speak words of death over you. Maybe someone cursed you publicly. Maybe you even lost a loved one to a heinous crime.

There are many offenses that take place in this broken world, some greater than others. But all require Jesus’s supernatural love in us, flowing through us, to the offender. We can’t do it in our own human strength. But Jesus can! As we allow his grace that forgave all our sins to live in us and move through us, we will become more set free.

The more we know Christ’s love for us, the more we will be able to give that love away to others, yes, even our enemies! You’ll know it’s real when you don’t feel any more pain when someone’s name is mentioned in your presence or even when they are in your presence.

True forgiveness is experienced when the pain no longer holds you captive! You remember the situation, but are now stronger because of it!

The Madness of Unforgiveness: Forgiveness Doesn’t Equal Forgetting

by David Chadwick

There are so many layers to forgiveness. It takes practice, patience, and a deep pursuit of abiding in the presence of God.

While forgiveness is radical, it’s not careless. God’s heart in teaching us forgiveness is for our good. It’s not to make us a doormat to other people’s poor treatment of us. It’s to set our hearts free from the prison that unforgiveness wants to hold us in and to keep us from the madness it creates!

With that said, forgiveness does not equal forgetting.

Sometimes we wrongly think that in order to forgive, we must forget. That only if we have completely forgotten something could there possibly be evidence of true forgiveness. But that’s just not realistic! Not only is that the antithesis of how humans are hardwired to think and feel, I don’t believe it’s biblical.

The Bible talks repeatedly about remembering and the power of memory. Psalm 103:2 says, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” God gave us a memory for a reason. In fact, he encourages us to recount and remember things God has done for us. To remember all of his past victories. If God did it once, he can do it again! So, why would he give us a memory if he expects us to completely forget our pain in order to forgive?

I think there’s another reason God gave us the gift of painful memories: so we don’t get hurt again! He wants us to learn from our past situations and to grow in wisdom. If you have ever had a child touch something hot, he or she will usually never touch it again. Our memory often helps protect us from future pain.

Remember, we are commanded to forgive. That’s not optional. But God keeps the memory of the past alive within us for many different reasons, I think. First, to constantly remind us of God’s grace, which takes us back over and over again to the cross. But secondly, to keep us from going back to the source of the pain. He wants to keep us out of toxic relationships. He wants to remind us of the kinds of people we should not trust. He wants to show us the kind of people we want and need in our lives.

Forgive, but never forget! By forgiving, you are set free. But by remembering, you will learn a lot of valuable truths that you would never know without God’s gracious gift of memory.

The Madness of Unforgiveness: 70 Times 7

by David Chadwick

70 times 7. Jesus says that this is the number of times we must offer forgiveness to others. Read Matthew 18:21-22.

Much of the entire chapter in Matthew 18 has to do with forgiveness. In Jesus’s day, within Hebrew culture, the number of 7 represented the number of completion. Therefore, when Peter asked Jesus how often to forgive someone else, he inquired if God’s idea of completion would be encapsulated in this question from Peter: “Are we supposed to forgive someone who has hurt us 7 times?”

Jesus’s response to Peter is compelling. He said, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Or, as we see in other translations, Jesus told Peter it wasn’t just 70 times, but 70 times 7!

What was Jesus saying? Was he teaching that on the 491st time we are now allowed to retaliate and respond with revenge? No! Jesus was teaching that 7 (the number of completion) extrapolated outward (to 70 times) means that we are to forgive repeatedly. Over and over again.

In that moment, Jesus took Peter’s understanding of completion within Hebrew culture and brought him up to a higher perspective of the culture of the Kingdom of heaven. He wants to do the same with us!

When the offense and your offender come to mind, or someone reminds you of your pain or trauma, or you run into the offender at the grocery store and the pain returns, stop and pause. Remind yourself to forgive that person again. And again. And again.  Jesus knew that most likely painful memories would recur.

The good news is, over time, the pain will lessen. I think Jesus knew the reality of the human heart. He knew the quicker we respond with forgiveness, the less chance we have for bitterness to remain in our hearts, causing a root of resentment to reestablish itself.

At some point, as we faithfully obey Jesus’s teachings, the grace of forgiveness from Jesus to you will overwhelm the bitter feelings of what happened to you.

The next time you hear something, see someone, or are triggered to be reminded of what happened to you. Pause. Remember. 70 times 7. Forgive once again.

And eventually, the pain will go away.